hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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