When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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