if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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