Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
