if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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