He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
