Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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