You made me cry and you don't even care
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Are these your boobs on my camera?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
