My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
