So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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