And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
