Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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