ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
