It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
