3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
