Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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