The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
