shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
