So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
