Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
