fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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