I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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