i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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