Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
