I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
