its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
