farters have to be the big spoon...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i drank out of a bidet.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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