What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
