i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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