I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish they made helmets for livers.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
