worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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