"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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