just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
