i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
