apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
