Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
