I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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