I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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