He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
