Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
