I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
