I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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