I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
