Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
