i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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