Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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