Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
