I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
apparently the secret to your success is patron
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
