Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
