This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
