I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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