the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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