I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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