grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
