Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
