So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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