omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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