It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
