he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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