So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
