what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
